going existential

this is so crazy that i dont even know how to begin.
but i have to begin somehow... i'm going nuts from a complete lack of framework structure and system!
my scolarship doesnt oblige me to do any particular number of course or any courses at all for that matter. so last semester it was all good. i set myself the goal to learn german, went to a thousand language courses, partied, had 2 frustrating affections, got a job and did ski. since i didnt do any 'real' courses, i didnt need to write any papers or learn for exams. since i dont leave in the united europe i couldnt just go home by train for the hollidays. the month and a half long vacation weackened and finally broke me. it was too cold to travel and too lonely to be studious and productive. so i started the new semester with the idea that school is boring and all i need to know i will best learn from reading books by myself. the direct result of it was that i didnt try hard enough to stick to classes, so now i found myself in the fifth week of the semester with almost no classes i'm doing. i was still diligent and borrowed tones of extremely exciting books from the library, i even started reading each and every one of them, and most of them proved to be extremely interesting even on the 50th page. so waht's wrong u ask? the summer is finally here and i'm away every weakend again. i do what i want, i have cash, a bad relationship and sweet roomates. what the hell is wrong?!
apparently, and this is only to be found out empirically, its imposible to lead a meaningful life when all u do for occupation is read books. there is just no meaning in that. going out, watching tv, meeting friends for coffee and picking my nose dont add any meaning either, as it seems. and it doesnt even matter that there are so many things i want to learn about and to read about - i'm just always left out with the feeling that since there is so many of these things i will just always have things i want to know about so why even bother... its silly of course, but its just one of those feeling-thoughts that are more feelings than thoughts, thus unsusceptible to ratio.
i need a meaning and a goal, dont have neither. falling apart. cant even write so well anymore.
dear god, if i'm not to resolve my existential crisis, could u at least please send me some sex?...