Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes...

I'm staying in Germany for one more semester. Still didn't close the return date, sometime summer time.
And I might have no relationship anymore. Yesterday there was one very harsh talk in his bed, a nervous break down, lots of nicotine alone in the kitchen, a realization that there's no way I can return to my house at 2.30 a.m. and when it's snowing outside, yet another realization that I can't call anyone, because neither me nor my friends have a telephones which cost less than 1 euro per minute, one more realization that I dont really have good enough friends whom I could wake up so late for reasons that do not involve a direct danger to my life, going back to bed after he said that it would be better for us if I stayed even when things in our relationship go awry, and that he wants to be with me tonight, me saying sorry (even though not at all being sorry), us hugging and sleeping, me waiking up late for my morning class, me thinking that here comes another prove that I can only be happy alone, me feeling happier right now with some walls up again than yesterday with all of them down. me seeing things in only black or white, all or nothing, getting married or erasing telephones and email addresses. I don't think we're getting married. I wanna be happy, either together or alone. I just hate the transition periods...
For a minute I thought maybe I just go home while I still have my ticket for the 20th, but this would be weack, because I wanted to stay way before I met John. So I'm staying. I'm probably getting a research assistant job in Psychology, which could be really nice. Lots of my friends are staying too. I'm gonna have a ball!

I'm a mess. If this crap sometimes ends, I'm gonna be a nun.


Changes
David Bowie

I still don't know what I was waiting for
And my time was running wild
A million dead-end streets
Every time I thought I'd got it made
It seemed the taste was not so sweet
So I turned myself to face me
But I've never caught a glimpse
Of how the others must see the faker
I'm much too fast to take that test

Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
(Turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-Changes
Don't want to be a richer man
Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
(Turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-Changes
Just gonna have to be a different man
Time may change me
But I can't trace time