my baby shot me down

bang bang i hit the ground

my trip was great. i had a lot of time to think. i've decided i dont deserve to suffer anymore; john's making me unjustfully unhappy; i must end this never ending story. while still on the train home i've got an sms from him that he misses me all that much and that i've gotta come home, and that today is a bbq and they're waiting just for me. so i came, got fed and hugged, but didnt get any real attention. i've waited. i've longed. i called him for a drink. we drank. i plucked up my courage. i said i'm unhappy. i said this kind of closeness triggers my need to be loved. i said i want to lay in bed and be sad after each time we meet. he said i'm needy. he said he wants me to be like his roomates that we just have fun together but dont have any obligations and are not entangled that much. we said some more things. we both got angry. he said i present myself as a victim. i said he doesnt have any empthy or acceptance for my feelings. we got furious. i had to go home with the last bus. i'm waiting for tonight.
my head humms and i want to lay in bed.