bad riddance

he wouldn't let me go.
i was talking about my needs and frustrations, he was talking about existential truths. we didnt understand each other for a second. at the end he convinced me again that if cherish him as a person no reason is good enough to stop it. so i stayed. without agreeing. for an hour it felt good that he didnt let me go. on the next morning i woke up with the thought that i forgot to tell him the most important thing. i didnt tell him that its all extremely simple. i just cant be with this feeling of rejection, and as much as he needs me, he will never need me enough to cover up for the insecurity and self-disintegration that the long ago act of rejection caused me.
we set up to talk next week, though i kept the right to call earlier and he kept the right to be busy. i concider to call earlier and to say what's left unsaid.
i promised him not to smoke.
feel much better today. can do things. dont wanna lay in bed.

trying to find consolation in the way he tried to grip me, in him saying that he's just as much attached and loving but manifests it differently.
trying to forget him saying that i'm egoistically concerned only about my needs and forget about the relationship.

anything is not getting any simpler.